There’s More to Me than Motherhood with Anoosha Syed

Anoosha: 00:00:45

I feel like this is the hardest stage so far. I know I say this with every stage. He is so mobile and he is just constantly trying to kill himself. I cannot look away for a second without him trying to eat the cat food or roll down the stairs.

Emily: 00:01:02

They're like danger magnets! It's wild.

Hello and welcome to It's a Lot, a podcast about things that are a lot.

On this show we have honest conversations about the highs and lows of things that are a lot social media, parenthood, and more. When it comes to complex topics, online discourse can lack nuance and empathy.

That's why we're leaning into deep conversations, making space for conflicting, messy feelings and keeping it real about how we feel. We could all use a little more of that sometimes. I'm your host Emily Hessney Lynch and today I'm excited to be chatting with Anoosha Syed.

Anoosha is a Pakistani Canadian children's book author and illustrator based in Dallas, Texas. She's the illustrator of over 40 beloved books and has written and illustrated three of her own. That's Not My Name, Lost Stick and the Salt Princess.That one just came out in April. She also creates fantastic content on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. And last year she embarked on a new adventure, motherhood.

I'm so excited to talk to her today about her career, her social media and her parenthood journey so far.

If you enjoy this conversation, make sure to follow her @anooshadraws and buy her books at your favorite indie bookstore or check them out from your local library. Anoosha, welcome to the show.

Anoosha: 00:02:12

Thank you so much for having me here today. I'm super excited.

Emily: 00:02:16

I want to start by just hearing a little bit more about your career journey overall. I know you say you're a woman of many hats and you can't really choose one, so you've lived all over. You started in animation, but how did you get to where you are today?

Anoosha: 00:02:29

That is a...that, that is a question. So I have been doing this for about 10ish years now. I went to school for illustration.

I initially wanted to work in animation. That was kind of the big passion, big dream that I had, but kind of like over time.

I initially did work for about a year at an animation studio and then I left and I was kind of doing children's books on the side because I kind of fell into it but I always have was like singlemindedly focused on working in animation but after that first job I just couldn't get anything. I applied to basically everywhere I worked really hard on my portfolio, but I just buy rejection after rejection.

Meanwhile, I was working on a lot of illustrated books and slowly finding myself and starting to enjoy it more and more.

I was really fixated on animation until eventually I came to this crossroads and realized that it just really, it wasn't a dream that made sense for me anymore.

ast, I don't know, since like: 2018

I still do animation work on the side more on like a freelance basis, which I feel suits me a lot more. I like to say that I'm a woman of many hats. My main hat being an author and an illustrator of children's books.

But like I said, I also do a little bit of animation work. I do general illustration, like doing stuff for puzzles. I did a collab with Target a couple of years ago. And I'm also an educator of sorts.

I am a huge advocate for free, accessible arts education, especially because I made so many mistakes and there's just no information online when I was starting out, especially as someone coming in from the global South. So I have a YouTube channel I share a lot over on all of my different platforms and that's kind of all the different stuff that I like to do.

Although now I. Well, last year I became a mom. My baby's almost a year old in two weeks.

And so I've mostly been busy with that, which has been very, very challenging. And I have spent this year struggling to figure out how to balance it. Yeah, that's what's going on.

Emily: 00:05:02

These tiny humans are pretty all consuming, aren't they?

Anoosha: 00:05:05

It really is a full time job for sure.

Emily: 00:05:09

I'm curious, with your animation dream that you kind of moved away from, was there a period of like grieving that it wasn't going to be like your whole, the bulk of your creative work?

Anoosha: 00:05:18

Oh, definitely. This was something that I was really fighting against because even though I was getting all of these rejections, I still had a lot of encouragement from all my friends who were within the industry, even people with like hiring power. So like art directors, recruiters and things like that. Like everyone was like, oh my gosh, your work is amazing.

Like you're going to find something in no time. So it was like that little bit of dangling, bit of hope that I was like, okay, maybe I can still Manage it.

And this was something that I had worked so hard for. And so even though I knew it didn't make sense for me, it was something I kept clinging on to for way longer than I needed to.

And then even after I made the decision to stop applying to places and just focus more so on illustration, there would still be times where I would think, okay, you know, maybe, oh, I see this job opening, maybe I should apply to that. Or like, oh, I would see my friends getting working on these amazing projects.

ish years later in: 2020

So that kind of helped. And I was still doing freelance alongside of it. And working on that position kind of cemented that it was not for me.

Because as I was working in it, I realized like, okay, you know what? I don't like this at all. Why was I chasing this so much? Like, I'm not really a team player. I don't like this kind of work.

So I think that's what finally gave me the closure that I needed. Because even for a while, I was still, I was grieving it for a long time. And now at this point, I'm, I'm very happy with my decision. But it definitely did take awhile.

Emily: 00:07:06

That's so interesting. And it's so hard to let go of the vision of what you thought something would be.

And then it can be a weird feeling when you get to dip your toe in more and you have the wait, I don't really like this that much kind of moment.

Anoosha: 00:07:17

Yeah, because it is like the idea of what something is versus the actuality.

Especially because, like, you see other people doing something and then obviously, like, people are projecting a certain vision of what, you know, the job is like. Or like what you might read, like watching an interview or like read in a book or whatever.

You might think, like, oh, this is all fun and games, but at the end of the day it's still a job. Right. It just was not for me.

Emily: 00:07:43

I can totally relate too to what you were saying about like not being a team player that much. Because I haven't worked at a day job in a long time.

And I love being freelance because I can be kind of the lone wolf and rely on myself and do things the way I want to do them and work with clients that I like working with. And that's why it works really well.

Anoosha: 00:07:59

For me, it's definitely isolating, but it's. Yeah, having the power to choose what you want to work on, when you want to work on, and having that flexibility.

And then for me, more so it was also being able to work on the projects that really spoke to me. But then animation, it's very much a. It is like a team situation where you are bringing someone else's vision to life.

And I mean, that's great, but especially because I'm very much drawn to diverse stories and very specific types of stories, I felt like if I'm working on a team, I'm not really getting the chance to share my stories. Whereas as a freelancer, I can do whatever I want. So having that kind of power and creative control is very freeing.

Emily: 00:08:43

It's amazing. I'm curious, speaking of diverse stories, I know you moved from Toronto to Dallas at some point, somewhat recently. What has that adjustment been like living in Texas now?

Anoosha: 00:08:54

Oh, it definitely is an adjustment, but my parents live around here and we move because of the baby. Just like having family close by is like such a. Such a game changer. It really helps.

But moving from Toronto, which is a very big, diverse city, to the suburbs has been a huge adjustment. Dallas is very diverse. A lot of people don't know this. We have a... especially, like, I'm Pakistani, I'm Muslim, we have a huge South Asian Muslim population here, which has been really great. And it's definitely very family friendly. But I miss the city so much.

And while we do have an arts community which is slowly growing, it's not obviously, like, you can't compare it to someplace like Toronto. So. So that has been a little bit of an adjustment to try to find. It's been a little bit harder to find my people.

But what I do like is that because it is a smaller art scene, you have a lot more opportunity to grow because you, you know, like, if you're in a place like Toronto, New York, there's like, everyone's there, right? So you have so much competition. Like, everyone's like, scraping and like, trying to fight for all of these different things.

But Dallas, because it is like a smaller art scene, you have more chances to grow and the people here, like, are ready to support you. So having. Having that has been really great. And I think it. I think it could be something good, but I. I cannot. I really miss a walkable city so much.

Emily: 00:10:25

Oh, yeah, I bet. It's gotta be so different. America's such a driving country in general.

I'm in Rochester, so I'm closer to Toronto than New York City, but similar to Dallas. It's like a small city where there's a really supportive community that really comes out for people and for artists and stuff. So I always have appreciated that.

Anoosha: 00:10:43

That's really good.

Emily: 00:10:44

My husband's an artist, so he loves that aspect of it too. I'm curious about your, your different income streams that you've built as an artist and a freelancer. So can you share a little more about like those revenue streams and how you figured out what works and what doesn't for you?

Anoosha: 00:10:58

Oh, sure. So I will preface that because I am a newish mom right now and I'm working with very limited time. A lot of my previous income streams just don't exist anymore. Or like I'm slowly going to be rebuilding those again.

So I'll talk more about what I was doing before I had the baby and then I'll kind of talk about what I've let go, I guess. So my main stream is my book stuff. That is my biggest earner. That's what I put most of my time into.

And then I also, like I said, do a lot of random freelance stuff. So that can include anything from doing freelance animation stuff.

Specifically, what I do is freelance character development for preschool TV shows, working with clients like Netflix, Disney Junior, DreamWorks TV and just helping to visualize what their characters could look like on a TV show. And then just various freelance illustration stuff, whether that's editorial or like surface illustration, things like that.

And then I also do a lot of speaking type things. So whether that is a school visit or university visit or doing like a talk, a guest lecture or anything like that.

In the past, I've also done conventions. I love tabling at conventions like TCAF, New York Comic Con, Lightbox Expo.

At one point I even had an online store where I would sell that same kind of merchandise. At one point I had a Patreon where I would share what like behind the scenes of my work monthly.

And let me think of what else I've done then the more passive kind of stuff like YouTube ad revenue. Sometimes I would do collabs for different brands. Oh, and then royalties. That's another big one.

I'm very lucky that a few of my books have earned up their advance. And so every six months I see some amount of royalties from the books that have come out.

Emily: 00:12:54

That's great.

Anoosha: 00:12:54

These days.

Emily: 00:12:55

Wow.

Anoosha: 00:12:56

Because I am working with very limited time. It's one book in a year, maybe freelance staff, but only one of those. I still have my YouTube passive income. But that's much less than it used to be because I'm posting very infrequently and then my royalties, that is probably my royalties of my biggest earner right now because I don't have time to work. Yeah, and sometimes it would be like the speaking things, but again much less than it used to be.

Emily: 00:13:27

It's hard for me. I always want to like divide the conversation into like career and then parenthood, but it's so blended. So let's just jump into some of the parenthood stuff. I'm curious what an average day looks like now that you're a mom and how different it is from before baby came along.

Anoosha: 00:13:41

It's so funny because every time I think that I have a routine settled in, the baby completely changes and I have to figure it out all over again.

Emily: 00:13:50

So rude.

Anoosha: 00:13:51

Currently, I know, just stay the same. Currently what it is is that he's napping twice a day.

And so thankfully, finally, finally he's sleeping in longer stretches because I he's a wonderful baby in a lot of ways, but if there's one fault he has, it's that he's a terrible sleeper. He contact napped for a really long time which meant that nothing got done. And then for a while it would be five minute naps. Like he did not like to sleep. At this point he is sleeping in longer stretches.

So what happens during the day is until 5pm when my husband gets off work, I am on baby duty in those two, the one hour naps that I get, I'll try to get a bit of work done and then from 5pm onwards I'll do a little bit of work. But of course you have, you know, other home stuff that gets in the way, various other errands that get in the way.

So I would like to say that I might get three hours of work time in a day if I'm lucky. It changes every day. So I really can't say that I have much of a routine.

In the past I would have a very clear structured to do list of what I want to accomplish each day. Now I have at the beginning of the week I'll list out a couple of things that I would like to get done and if I can get a third of those things done at some point, that's a win and I'll just hope for the best. But I think at this point I don't give myself a deadline of anything because otherwise I'm just setting myself up for failure.

Emily: 00:15:27

It's hard to be realistic about it sometimes, but it's good. It sounds like you got into a little more better expectations. Do you get much done when he naps now that he's napping a little longer?

Anoosha: 00:15:37

Yes. But I think I get overwhelmed with decision anxiety because the time is so limited. As soon as I get that free time, I'm like, okay, I have the timer starts now. I have one hour. I have to do something. What do I do? What do I do?

And I think Maybe the first 15 minutes get wasted onto me, stressing out over what am I going to do at this time. Right now I'm working on my next picture book, which is a sequel to that's Not My Name. So that's what the time usually goes to.

Sometimes the entire time is just wasted on emails. I don't know. I wish I was more productive in that time, but I don't. It just goes away so fast.

Emily: 00:16:18

It's hard too sometimes. When he finally goes down for a nap with my little guy, I'm like, okay, I need to just like lay down myself and watch some TikToks for 20 minutes.

And then all of a sudden your time is gone. Or I'm like, I gotta make a dent on that. Dishes, I'm gonna wash some dishes. And then you lose so much time. It goes so fast.

Well, I'm glad you're getting some done in the evenings and that you've got a better sense of your expectations now. It's so hard. I'm curious about the content creation side of your creative life too, since you make so much stuff for social.

Like how much time would you say you spend on content creation? Maybe in the pre baby life.

Anoosha: 00:16:54

Oh, in the pre baby life I get. I would treat it more as like a little treat, I guess. I guess like we're talking about two different things. There's like the paid content creation where like I'm doing like brand stuff that is a very relatively new thing that's actually started after baby and I'll explain more why in a second, I guess.

But like the most of the content creation is I suppose, doing making posts on social media and then like the YouTube stuff and it really is just a treat. I don't really get much out of it except that I enjoy it and sometimes I need a break from drawing and it's just fun.

The reason that I've leaned more into like the commercial side of content creation is because I don't have much time to create art because like I said, time is limited. You never know how much time you're going to get. And with something like art, you need a lot of time.

Like, I don't want to spend 30 minutes getting all of my paints and everything ready, and then you have to wait for the paint to dry and, like, you have to get into the zone, and then you don't want to be like, in the zone 10 minutes in and then suddenly baby wakes up or we have to go out, or you have to do something. So my art creation has just ceased to exist, more or less. But I have lots of screen time. I have so much screen time, whether that's like, during. Especially during those contact naps or, like, staying up late or whatever.

So with all of this screen time, computer time that I have, I found that, like, what I could do at that time was make graphics and make content and make YouTube scripts and things like that. So it was just me trying to be resourceful with what I could do with my time. And, yeah, like, I find enjoyment in it. Maybe I'll try.

I'm getting a little bit tired of it, honestly. Like, I'm getting the itch to create again, so I'm. I'll probably shift back into that. But it's just a little fun little treat that I get to do now and then.

Emily: 00:18:54

It's nice that you view it as a little treat. I think so many artists see it as a lot of pressure to create content and make themselves relevant and market themselves online.

Do you ever struggle with that, like, feeling like you have to do it to stay relevant?

Anoosha: 00:19:05

Oh, man, I definitely felt like that for most of my career, but I've kind of learned to reframe it in different ways because really, you just can't win with social media. Things are always going to be changing up. Like you are, you might, like, figure out the exact way to beat the algorithm, and then it's just going to change up on you. So what I like to tell people is you should try to understand why... what... what do you want to get out of social media? Especially when it comes to things like follower count or engagement and things like that. Because some people are like, okay, I want to have a higher follower count because it'll make me a successful artist.

But that's not necessarily the case because you have people who have like 600,000 followers, but they're broke, they're not getting any clients out of it. But then you have.

Which is very true, people in my industry, I know so many incredibly successful, talented artists who have less than a thousand followers.

There's no correlation between that and so What I tell people is if you are doing it because you want to get certain jobs and have consistent clients and everything, it's not really about the number of followers. It's more so who is following you and the outreach so you're doing it. Like, is it art directors and recruiters and things like that?

Are they following you or just a bunch of randos? Because randos are not going to get you jobs. On the flip side, if you are, you know, if you have like a Patreon or if you are selling merchandise and things like that, then it would benefit you to have a larger audience because those are customers. But again, like, you want to try to understand what you're trying to get out of social media because of that reason.

Like, I don't stress as much about it now because I just want it to be like a fun place. It can get so stressful very easily. I just try. I try to make it fun.

Emily: 00:21:04

That's really good advice.

I feel like it probably shines through in your content because people want to follow people who are fun and who are having a good time and not people who are doing it because that's forced. So definitely a good reason to follow. You don't do merch currently, do you?

Anoosha: 00:21:17

No. And it's mostly because I love creating merch, but I hate shipping it. I despise it.

Emily: 00:21:24

The dog in Lost stick with the guitar, like the punk rock one? Like I need him on a sticker or a shirt or something. I love him, man.

Anoosha: 00:21:32

I did make a bunch of Lost stick stickers for like promo. And like I have a bunch left over. Like I do want... I will eventually set up an online store.

The other thing is, is that the shipping system, the mailing system in Canada sucks. It's really... it's not great for small businesses. And so when I did briefly add my online store, it was such a headache to do anything. Plus I was doing it in like a tiny one bedroom apartment, so there was no space to store anything.

Now that I have a lot of space and I have US shipping tools at my service, I might consider starting it up again or, you know, reaching out to like a third party to help me with stuff like that. But it's just a lot of work.

Oh, and the other thing, as someone with a lot of hats, I love trying out a lot of new things and just seeing what sticks, what I like, what I don't like. But it's also really important to know when to let things go.

And I had let go of a lot of things because, like, with the online store I had, I knew like so many different artists who were doing it, but I was kind of doing it because they were doing it even though I hated it. But again, same thing with the social media. You got to ask yourself, like, why? Why am I doing this? What is this? Does this bring any benefits? And do the benefits outweigh the negatives? And for me, what I was earning and like the, I guess the exposure or whatever, like those benefits were not outweighing the time spent, the stress it caused and so on. So it was. It was a no for me and, you know, let go.

Emily: 00:23:02

Yeah, the why is such a good guiding light and it's easy to lose sight of it sometimes. I want to circle back. You mentioned doing some brand deals. How did you get started with sponsored stuff like that? And what's it been like so far?

Anoosha: 00:23:15

Oh, so it has entirely been people reaching out to me. I think, like, now that I'm getting a bit more interested, I might start reaching out to people, maybe even like looking into management.

But this has mostly been brands reaching out, like seeing my contact and then contacting me. I have gotten a lot of emails in the past, inquiries from brands, but for the most part I have been like, no, thank you. I'm very much a. Maybe this.

My feelings might change later, but I don't want to advertise a product that I don't believe in or that I have or that doesn't make sense to my audience. I've gotten like, oh, you know, would you like to try out these earrings or like this watch or whatever. I'm like, oh, this seems nice.

I would like to have that. But this feels completely irrelevant to what I advertising, you know. So for that reason, like, I've declined a lot of stuff.

I think the first brand thing that I've done recently is I have it on me right now. It is the. The moft phone tripod thing. And I actually use this a lot. So...so yeah, this was like one something that they contacted me for and I really enjoyed doing stuff like this. But I will say there are some aspects that I don't like and one of the reasons why I declined a lot of other projects as well.

So I did another one for like a standing desk company and they were so picky about like, oh, the video should be like this, you should do this and this. And it was part of like a YouTube video that I was doing and it made. And I love making YouTube videos.

But all of this, the pressure of making that ad Made me not want to make a YouTube video. And so that's another reason why I decided not to do ones that would be tied around YouTube because I want to keep that fun.

And once you tie money into, you know, that's why they say, you know, don't monetize your hobbies because you'll end up hating them. And YouTube is very much a hobby, so that's why I was declining it.

Emily: 00:25:17

Yeah, that's interesting. I feel like the brand deals can be really fun or really terrible. Like, I've seen them go both ways. And when they feel forced or you're just like, have to be so promotional, or they really want to control your message and how you communicate it, then it just doesn't work as effectively, I think.

Anoosha: 00:25:31

which is crazy! Like, they should if, like, they are reaching out to someone because they, you know, they have a specific voice and, like, they really connect to their audience and you should trust them to create something that their audience would like. You know, like, once you start getting nitpicky of like, oh, you should do it this way and this way and this way, then it's not that creator's product anymore. And, like, why would their audience respond to it? So I just find it very funny.

Emily: 00:25:56

Kind of missing the point there!

With your following on social media, I'm curious what some of the highs and lows have been. I know some creators can get really nasty people in their comment section and see some online hate. Have you experienced any of that or any trolling or anything like that?

Anoosha: 00:26:12

Oh, yeah. I have gotten many various things. I've gotten...this was like years and years ago, but I had created some fan art for Harry Potter and I had drawn Hermione as a woman of color. And this was like a common fan casting. And I had given my take on it, and then it got kind of viral.

And then I got a lot of people being like, this is strong. You, you know, oh, you know, you can expect like, the kind of hate comments that I got. And then I, in response, several people then reached out and reposted the my artwork, including Emma Watson. She was like, "oh, I like this artwork." So that was really nice. And then the BBC reached out for an interview as well.

So it got like a lot of big fuss, which was very funny. I had, like, I had like, other pieces of artwork. People, for some reason or other, they'll find something wrong with it.

Another thing, I guess, like, because I've gotten a larger following now, I think back then when I was younger, I very much treated social media as my personal therapist. And I would talk about anything and everything, just like anything that I was feeling very openly and just share all parts of my life, including like blogging and things like that. But now as I've gotten older, especially once I started a family and much more private about everything, I.

And it's kind of a toss up experience with social media where you're kind of expected to be vulnerable and share your authentic self and share. Be expected to share all parts of yourself with everyone, which I, I can understand that, but also I hate that.

So I've definitely become much more private over the years, partially for, you know, because everyone doesn't need to know my business, but also sometimes for personal safety because there are some crazy people out there for sure.

Emily: 00:28:00

Some people are just so entitled online too. They think they deserve like your whole life story and any creator is entitled to their own privacy. Like, it's your life.

You get to choose how much you share and how much you don't.

Anoosha: 00:28:12

Manners.

Emily: 00:28:13

Ugh. Rough out there. We'll get into your experience as a mom shortly, but before the break, I want to hear a little bit more about your little one. And I know you've said he's just endlessly inspiring. So what about having a little baby has been inspiring your creativity lately?

Anoosha: 00:28:29

He hasn't necessarily inspired specific stories or like concepts out of me. I think what has really brought into me through raising him is that my sense of story, I feel like has improved a lot.

Where of course, like when I write books and illustrate books, I am definitely thinking about the child as you should be. But as an example, if I am looking at a board book or working on a board book, I'd be like, oh, this is a great board book.

This sounds like a lot of fun. This is beautiful, is great. But like, I would read stuff like that to my baby and I would be like, oh, you know, he's not going to respond to this at all. Like the flow is not working and like, he doesn't. He's finding this really boring and this is too long and like et cetera, et cetera.

And I'm really seeing and starting to notice what makes a good book or not at least like for what my baby would respond to and that is kind of coming into. Or like I'm learning more about what makes a good book. And so before I had my baby, I wrote a manuscript for a book that I would love to submit later on this year.

And once I had him that kind of like went, you know, on hiatus and I'M kind of working on it right now, and I'm looking at it with completely fresh eyes. I was like, okay, wait a minute. This. I have new understanding of what should work and what shouldn't work.

So that's, like, one way that he's really helped me see how books can be. And I'm sure, like, as he gets older, especially when he. Once he goes into more of, like, the reading age and starts, like, reading on his own and enjoying things and becoming more communicative, that'll definitely help with my work as well.

Emily: 00:30:10

That's really cool. One of my baby's favorite books right now is a series.

It's Peekaboo Books by Camilla Reed, Peekaboo Lion, Peekaboo Farm, all kinds of things like that. But they've got sliders, and then at the end, there's always a mirror, and the last slide is Peekaboo you. He just, like, leaves his glide. Oh, my God.

Isn't it great? Does your son love it?

Anoosha: 00:30:28

It's so cute. He loves it.

Emily: 00:30:30

Yeah. When I do the slider for the mirror, he's like, this huge, delighted reaction. And we will read. He has six of the peekaboo books. He pulls them out, and we read all six of them in a sitting multiple times a day. It's so sweet. But I just. The endless delight.

I think of the sliders and it being so interactive and the pacing and everything is just, like, perfect for where he's at right now. Are there any stories your son really likes right now?

Anoosha: 00:30:54

He actually loves one of the books that I made. I did a board book called Look! Babies Head to Toe board book, where it's just, like, drawings of babies, and they're going like, "look, baby's nose. Achoo!" You know, things like that. And that has always been a huge hit with babies. I've heard from many parents that this is, like, their baby's favorite book. And, like, they love it so much. And my baby loves it too, and that's really great.

And I think it is like, that repetition and definitely the babies themselves. I have found that my baby loves faces, so he hasn't responded so much to, like, animals and, like, other more abstract kind of shapes. He loves a baby. He loves a baby face. So that's mostly what I've been reading to him these days.

Emily: 00:31:37

We've got Look a Baby out from the library right now too, and that's in heavy rotation, like, amid the peekaboo books. He's loving it.

Anoosha: 00:31:43

Oh, does he follow along with all the actions?

Emily: 00:31:46

Not quite. But I think he just likes looking at the babies.

Anoosha: 00:31:49

Yay!

Emily: 00:31:50

Yeah, it's fun. Well, we'll take a quick break.

Anoosha: 00:31:52

Okay, Sounds good.

Emily: 00:33:04

All right, Anoosha, I want to hear all about your motherhood journey and your little guy. What is he into right now? What's this era looking like with your little boy?

Anoosha: 00:33:13

So he is eleven and a half months old. He has started walking and getting into everything. He's at the stage. I feel like this is the hardest stage so far.

I know I say this with every stage, but I feel like this is the hardest so far because he is so mobile and he is just constantly trying to kill himself. I cannot look away for a second without him, you know, trying to eat the cat food or roll down the stairs or do. Do something.

And it drives me crazy because that's. I think that's like, the biggest time suck is that I cannot leave him alone.

And I've tried baby proofing, I really have, but he'll always just find a new thing to...

Emily: 00:33:57

They're like danger magnets! Yeah, it's wild.

Anoosha: 00:34:01

So I have these. The IKEA drawers in my office. And my office, as you can probably tell, is, like, also a playroom. I do have the playpen, but he does not like to be contained. Like, that was a bad idea. So I've just decided to, like, leave him roaming.

And I have these IKEA drawers, and I was safe for a while, but today he's learned to open them, so I'm gonna have to figure that out too.

Emily: 00:34:28

It is amazing. And I don't know if your guy is in the same era. Like, my son gets so mad if you stop him from doing the dangerous thing. Like, he was crawling into the road over and over and over, and I was like, no, go in the street. And he was like. Like throwing his body back, arching, screaming, like, so angry that I don't want him to get hit by a car.

Anoosha: 00:34:47

Oh, man. We're not at, like, any tantrums yet, though. He is, he is. He's starting to whine, and it's...I feel like it's only gonna get worse from here.

Emily: 00:34:56

It's interesting that you say every part is, like, the hardest part. I was going to ask if earlier parts felt easy by comparison or what was hard earlier on.

Anoosha: 00:35:05

It's so funny. So the newborn stage was I, I thought when I was going through it was really rough, but in hindsight, I guess it wasn't really, because they're just Tamagotchis, right? Like, you just have to...they, it's a very consistent, like you feed them, it's like if they're crying, it's one of three things. Like they're, they, they pooped, they gotta eat or they're tired. I think that him himself was easy. I think what was the hard part was the lack of sleep because I don't nap. Like people are like, oh, sleep when the baby sleeps. I cannot, I just, I've never been a napper, so I was sleep deprived the whole time. And then I was like, I needed a lot of time to heal up after the, the birth. So that wasn't fun either. So I think that was what made it rough.

And then there was a stretch from like three to six months where I was like, I've got this figured out. He's a little worm, he doesn't really do much. I'm feeling a little bit better.

And so that's when I had initially started easing my way back into work. And at that point I was still living at my parents house as well. And then in January I was like, okay, I think, you know, I'm done with my maternity leave, I'm ready to go back into work. I think I figured it out and that that was the moment he started crawling. And it ruined everything. It ruined everything. I don't know.

And then I had like already accepted so much work because. And like it was the same level of work that I was doing pre baby. I don't know what I was thinking. And it was really bad for like three months from Jan to March, it was complete hell. Where he was a lot of, he was a full time job. And then I was also working a full time job on top of it. So that entire time is just blocked out of my mind. It was really bad.

Emily: 00:36:59

Yeah, I feel you on that. Back in the fall, my husband was painting a mural and he'd be out from like 10 to 4 every day. And then I would get to work from 4 to 6 and then from like 9 to 11 because he was not napping at all during the day. I'd spend like an hour trying to get him to nap and then he'd nap for like 30 minutes at most. It was...

Anoosha: 00:37:15

Yep.

Emily: 00:37:15

Yeah, you start to feel insane. And I also am not a napper. So like if I was sleep deprived, I couldn't sleep when the baby sleeps, it's just brutal.

Anoosha: 00:37:22

Oh my God. So you have the same thing? Yeah, like, yeah, totally. Times where he'd sleep for like 10 minutes maybe.

And like you, if you can't sleep then like that's it.

Emily: 00:37:31

Yeah.

Anoosha: 00:37:31

But would he sleep through the night at least? Cause, like, mine didn't.

Emily: 00:37:34

He's had like, a lot of night wakings in general. And we're just now getting to a point where, like, we're not screaming as much in the middle of the night. Usually between 12 and 2, we get some screamies. And lately those are starting to stop, but who knows if they're gonna come back.

Anoosha: 00:37:49

Oh, man. So the other thing is that we. We cosleep. We're all in the bed together and like that, I guess, like, that doesn't help either because he's...he is starting to sleep longer through the night. So like tonight, for example, he. Well, he had his first wake at 6:00am, which is amazing. That's not bad, right?

But his comfort habit that he has as he's falling asleep is pulling my hair. He. And not just once. It's not once. It's just repeatedly pulling, pulling, pulling. And it doesn't matter if I have my hair tied up. He will find the little delicate little hairs at the back of your head and pull that. And he has to do it.

Emily: 00:38:33

That is rough. We like aggressively dance our baby to sleep most of the time, but he can get kind of like slappy and grabby with your face and stuff. And I'm always like, stop it, stop it. And then we put him in the crib and he kind of flopped over.

Anoosha: 00:38:47

And he's doing pinching now too.

Emily: 00:38:51

Oh, no.

Anoosha: 00:38:51

I can tolerate the pinching a little bit better.

Emily: 00:38:53

Yeah, they're aggressive little things.

Anoosha: 00:38:55

They really are. They're so strong.

Emily: 00:38:58

I'm curious, as you started to go back to work, um, I know you shared a reel about some mom guilt that you felt, and someone had told you, like, you can't go back until they're in school. Otherwise you're not a perfect mom, which is ridiculous. But how do you deal with the guilty feelings? How are you trying to move through that?

Anoosha: 00:39:14

I'm still struggling with that one because we, my, me and my husband have both made the decision to not put Nial into daycare until he's closer to two years. And so that does mean that I am the primary caretaker right now. And I still love my job and I want to work and I have so many things that I want to do. But I feel very guilty that, like, I am choosing to work when I am very blessed that I don't need to.

Like, my husband could support us if we need to, but I, like, all day, you know, I'm like, with my baby and at all times I'm like, I wish I was working. I wish I was at a doing my work right now. And I feel so bad because I'm, I'm in like these mommy stroller groups.

And like, I think the other thing is that I'm, since I'm in Dallas, which is a bit more family oriented than a place like Toronto, all the moms in my groups, they're like, there's stay at home moms or they are working, but they're like, oh, I wish I was with my baby. And then I'm the only one who's like, I wish I was working. And so I didn't feel like I had anyone to relate to my issues with.

And so, yeah, like, I just feel a lot of guilt and feeling that way that like, I'm not living up to the ways that I could be as a mom, that I could be doing a lot more and then.

But I think like, one thing that has really helped is talking with other freelance moms who have been through this and who have given a lot of helpful advice and that like, it is fine that I want to work and that I. There is more to me than the motherhood. And doing this is like modeling an inspiring behavior that Niall would want to see.

So it's tough and something that I try to keep reminding myself, but it's like every couple of weeks I just, it just, I spiral through it all over again and I'm suddenly like, I know I want to go to work, but also I'm a bad mom. And like, what am I doing? It's really tough. And I think I'm not going to get over it until he goes to daycare.

Emily: 00:41:23

I can totally relate to that as also a freelance mom, because I so much of the morning or whenever I'm with him, I'm like, oh, if he's playing by himself for five minutes, I'll check my email or I'll schedule this post. Or like, why am I with my child and wanting so badly to be at my desk working?

Like, I feel terrible, but also like, as much as we love them, they can be very demanding little beings that are like all over you and pulling your hair like you said. And there can be frustrating moments.

Anoosha: 00:41:49

And like, it does love our work too. So everyone keeps saying, like, "oh, they're only babies for a short time. Soak it up." And I don't, I kind of don't want to. Oh really?

I want to, but like, I don't know. Do you get what I mean? But like, maybe I'll regret it later. But, like, I still want to do this other stuff too.

Emily: 00:42:07

Absolutely. I had another guest who talked about how cherish every moment is such bad advice because you can't really savor and enjoy every single moment. And there are plenty of hard moments that you just want to get through. And there are other things you want to be doing, doing too. And it's perfectly valid.

Anoosha: 00:42:23

It's really tough. And keep having these conversations with my husband and we have considered like, getting a babysitter or figuring something out, but I'm so lazy. And I think, like, the other thing is that, like, it's financial stuff as well. Again, like, we're really blessed. So, like, we could go without it.

But, like, since I'm able to work while looking after him, then I'm like, you know, like, why hire someone? You know? And like, then we'll like, cut into our funds and everything. So it's like it's another one of those.

Emily: 00:42:58

It's just hard when your time is so fragmented because you can't fully give your attention to either thing. Like, we do have a part time nanny who comes for three hours in the afternoon a few days a week. And that's been such a huge help because I know I can get my dedicated 3 hours no matter what. And then if he takes a longer nap, I might get four or five hours.

And then I feel like, okay, I'm in control of my work and my life and I have some time to like, be myself.

Anoosha: 00:43:21

I should look into it again then.

Emily: 00:43:22

Yeah, it might be worth. Yeah. Even if it's just a few days a week, you could feel like yourself. I'm curious for like, any bad parenting advice you got because I feel like there's a lot of terrible advice out there.

Anoosha: 00:43:33

Oh, my gosh. I think the only thing I can think of right now is the dance socks of, like, make sure your baby has socks at all times.

Like, I get this from my mom and like all, like the elderly older people in my family. I was like, where are your socks? Put a socks on. Make sure he has. He's like wearing his, like, blanket and like all the layers and everything.

My baby runs hot. He's like, he gets really sweaty at night.

So like, initially, like, I was putting him in all his layers at night and everything, but I pretty quickly realized, like, no, he's, he's, he's sweating. My poor little baby. So he runs around without his socks and my mom gives me a look every time.

Emily: 00:44:13

I feel like that's good for their development, though, like being able to grip and crawl and walk like a little thing already.

Anoosha: 00:44:19

Yeah, we always butt heads about, about like all the different things I've learned online and my mom's like, you know, act when wheel when you were a baby, you know, you turned out fine and we didn't do any of this stuff. But yeah, it's changing generations. I think it's, it's. That's always going to happen.

Emily: 00:44:36

We've got more information now with all the like child cognitive science and stuff. Like it's good to learn and change our approach.

Anoosha: 00:44:43

It's good to learn.

Emily: 00:44:44

I'm curious what your expectations were like for parenthood before you had him versus what it's actually been like now that you're in it.

Anoosha: 00:44:51

Oh, there's so much stuff. I mean there's like the kind of stuff where it's like, I would never put my child in front of a screen and like, oh, he's never gonna have sex preservative foods and I'm going to make everything from scratch and all of the stuff like I'm not.

Emily: 00:45:05

Who has the time?

Anoosha: 00:45:06

Who has the time? Who has the time? Another thing was like I thought I was going to be a much more hands on parent of like, oh, I'm going to do all of...I saved so many like little activities of like, oh, like, oh, he's going to do like little sensory whatever toys in the tub and he's going to have like little paints and all of these like different types of activities. But I never did any of those again. Like I don't have the time. He's fine.

I think that also parcels into the guilt as well of like I could be doing more of like this Pinterest mommy kind of things. But that's okay. There's always more. spatula.

Emily: 00:45:45

Totally. There's always more we could be doing. And it's so much pressure sometimes from the internet. Like we went on a hike yesterday and I was like, "I think this is the first time he's been in the woods. Like, are we terrible parents that we haven't taken him to the woods before?"

But like, he's done plenty of other enriching things and having a perfectly good life. But I like felt really bad about it for some reason. But we don't need more reasons to beat ourselves up over stuff. It's already hard enough.

Anoosha: 00:46:13

He's clothed, he's fed, he's...

Emily: 00:46:18

Did you and your partner discuss how you would divide household responsibilities and childcare before your baby came along?

Anoosha: 00:46:25

I think kind of I'm really thankful that my husband also works from home so he's able to like dip in and out if I need the help. I think we've kind of figured out our groove as things come up.

He always takes out the diaper bin stuff and he does like a lot of like specific things and I find myself doing a lot of specific things as well. But for the most part we do things 50, 50 and like he tries to help as much as he can. In fact, like he feels a lot of guilt that he can't do more as well. But I, I feel like whenever things come up, it's. We usually figure out our groove.

But I think in terms of like the researching and so like I'm the one who came up with the sleep training plan and like doing all the research for that and like I do. There's like, I mean we were talking about before the podcast started of the holding away bed previous season clothes and like the different age clothes and everything. That's like a mental load that he does not ever think about.

Emily: 00:47:27

But I feel like that's such a mom activity in like every hetero couple I know, it's always the moms.

Anoosha: 00:47:32

But he does, he's in charge of like appointments and everything. So it's, it's definitely. We try to keep it at least 60, 40, because he is, he still does have the full time job.

Emily: 00:47:43

And is there anything that's come up along the way that like you guys have diverging views on how to handle something that you weren't expecting?

Anoosha: 00:47:51

So far it's been mostly good. I think the main thing was sleep training and like what either of us were comfortable with.

And I think we've sort of butted heads on parenting or later on, I guess because he is usable only child and he grew up here in North America and his parents were a lot more strict. I grew up as a spoiled brat and so I feel like I'm much more lenient in my teachings, I guess.

And so we have butted heads on that of like, you know, how we would discipline and like how we would navigate certain things. But that's, I mean that's like way down the line and I'm sure our opinions will change later as well.

Emily: 00:48:39

Yeah, I see some of that stuff coming up for us in the future too.

One thing right now that is kind of funny to me but also annoying in the moment is like my husband usually does bedtime, but I'm always like, you have no sense of urgency about bedtime. Like he needs the bottle. He needs a diaper. Let's go. And he's like, why can't we just have a chill? Bedtime. And I'm like, "it's 8:45. Like, we gotta get moving." He's like, "let's just read three more stories." I'm like, "no, it's bedtime." Can be tough.

I'm curious, with your art and your social media following, how did you decide how much of your son you wanted to share online?

Anoosha: 00:49:11

Oh, my gosh. It has been really tough. I know 100%, like, no face. I don't. Don't show him at all. And I'll share.

I think what I try to do is share him as a concept, as an extension of myself. So it'll be mostly like, okay, this is. He's like a character in my story versus focusing on him as his own person, if that makes sense.

I feel like in that way, because I definitely value his privacy and I want him to be able to consent to being on my platform. But I want to share myself and my motherhood and kind of the experiences that I have. So that's kind of the way that I go about it.

And it's been really. It has been tricky navigating it. And one thing that I guess I kind of regret or I'm trying to figure out how to do is that I wish that I did record him more on social media, but more so for myself, where I love doing a lot of vlogs and I love doing a lot of these little trends and stuff, and I see a lot of really cute ones with babies, and I wish that I had done those with him, but just for myself. But, like, I wish I had recorded like a day in my life with my baby just so that I could look back on it and remember it.

Or like a little vlog and something. Or like those cute little trends and things like that. But again, just for myself, because they're so fun.

Emily: 00:50:35

Have you seen the, like, 'where'd all the time go' one where it's like the first day and the last day of being one. Oh, my gosh. They always get me emotional. I made sure to record one. I don't think I got his actual first birthday, but like a couple days later so I can do one myself next year. It's crazy watching them grow.

Anoosha: 00:50:52

I think I'll probably start doing those and just kind of saving them on private or something.

Emily: 00:50:56

Yeah, that's nice to do. What kind of parenting content do you usually see online? Do you feel like it helps you or is it more harmful to you?

Anoosha: 00:51:05

So I, I think that most of it has been really helpful. Like I. Ever since I got pregnant. Like, it's, it's so funny. Like the algorithm knows everything about me. Like, I would always line up to exactly what stage I was at with pregnancy with baby. So it gave me a lot of information about like, what to expect and all of this kind of stuff.

I think now that I am a parent, I'm getting a lot of like, idealized parenting stuff. Like I was saying, like all of these sensory activities right now I'm getting a lot of like food kind of stuff and like all these recipes and things that I know I'm not going to do. But it's just nice for ideas and things like that. Currently it is like the milestone things of what to expect.

I'm getting a lot of like, oh, these are the kinds what first birthday gift I got and first birthday party ideas. And they're, they're, they're nice. Like, I pin a lot of different things. I avoid anything that's like too aspirational or too like, glamorized, I guess. But yeah, I like them.

I think one thing that I hate and I have to remember to get out of is when I was pregnant, I joined a day June Mom's pregnancy group, which has now developed into a June Moms like baby group. And there's so much drama. I hate it. It's awful. At first it was fun just to like kind of see where everyone else was at.

And I love like seeing people's baby, well, pregnancy drama as well. But at this point it's insufferable. And I'm kind of just like hate watching everyone's posts. Just, it's really bad. I have to, I have to remove myself because it's too much.

Emily: 00:52:46

Those internet spaces can be so fascinating. Like, I use the what to expect app when I was pregnant and I was just so addicted to like the message boards of all the insane stuff people would post. Like, someone wanted to leave their husband because he was watching porn while she was pregnant. And everyone was like cheering her on. Like, "yeah! leave his ass!"

Anoosha: 00:53:04

Like, oh my God. Every day there would be someone who would be saying something about their husband. Like some of them and like everyone would be cheering for her to leave. Some of them would be like, okay, that's not a good reason. But then some of them would be like, oh, my husband did this and this and this and this and this and this. Should I leave him? And people are like, yes, why are you still with him? Are you insane?

Emily: 00:53:25

Why do you need strangers in a Facebook group to tell you to leave your husband?

Anoosha: 00:53:28

That's crazy. So I don't know about you, but I've already decided that I do want a larger gap between baby one and two. I, between my sisters, we have, like, four each as well. And, like, I'm, I'm happy with the gap, and I need space for myself. I don't know how people do two under two or, like, two under one. It's insane.

But I recently saw a post like, I'm a single mom, and I just, I, my baby is 11 months, and I'm a student, and I'm working three jobs, but I'm ready to have another baby. Should I do it? Are you insane?

Emily: 00:54:04

Like, why? that's engagement bait? I don't know. That's absurd.

Anoosha: 00:54:10

Crazy.

Emily: 00:54:11

I've heard that, like, three or four years is an ideal gap because you're in a better place mentally yourself to handle it. And developmentally, the spacing is better because the older kid will understand it a little more and not need you as much. So I feel like that could be a good gap.

Anoosha: 00:54:25

Like, I think either have them very close in age, so it's like they're kind of doing, they're kind of, like, on the same level or having, like, that larger gap. And that's what I need. I need a break. Yeah, I need a urgent break.

Emily: 00:54:39

I wanted to ask you about the overwhelming and challenging parts, but I think we covered a lot of that with sleep. Is there anything else you wanted to touch on that's been particularly challenging?

Anoosha: 00:54:48

The sleep has been the biggest thing. I think the other thing right now is food. I guess he's not much of an eater, so just trying to figure out, like, what do I feed him?

Emily: 00:54:59

So are you, you haven't started a weaning journey or anything yet?

Anoosha: 00:55:03

I have to. I have to start that soon. He's like, he's still on milk. I have to, like, start transitioning to cow milk, I guess. I don't know. But he's, he's the same way that me and my husband were as kids was, like, we just did not eat. Like, we were skinny, skinny little babies and skinny toddlers. And I, I'm struggling to figure out, like, what he would like. He just. And he can't survive on air, so that's one thing. So I'm struggling with that.

Emily: 00:55:31

Yeah, I feel lucky that my baby's been a good eater so far. And I was trying to figure out how to get up to three meals a day because it seemed so daunting.

And after a nap one day, I, like, held up his plate of food and held up his bottle, and I was like, do you want lunch or do you want a bottle? And he, like, lunged at the food, and I was like, oh, okay, we'll. We'll skip that bottle. Yeah.

So then he's been having more and more solids since then, and now we're doing, like, a straw cup with milk instead of a bottle sometimes. And he's, like, so happy to just, like, sip it himself, which is really cute. Like, he seems more toddlery. It's wild.

Anoosha: 00:56:03

I know. They're not really babies anymore.

Emily: 00:56:07

Yeah, I've heard bobbler like, babytoddler because they're in between.

Anoosha: 00:56:11

I like that.

Emily: 00:56:11

Yeah, I kind of like that. To wrap up, what are some of the most joyful parts of parenting so far?

Anoosha: 00:56:18

Just seeing him turn into, like, a little dude. Like, it's so. Especially in the, like, the last month or so, I really see his awareness and his personality shining through where he recognizes us, he loves us. Like, I've seen him, like, starting to play, and I can see that this is, like, not just, like, a little, you know, thing to look after.

I know that sounds really weird, but, like, you know what I mean, right? But, like, he's not just, like, a little helpless little baby, but he's, like, a little. He's a little dude. He's, like, a part of our family, and I love seeing him turning into a. Like, a proper person. And there's always, like, these cute little milestones to look out for, and I think. I think that's my favorite thing, just seeing him grow.

Emily: 00:57:00

Yeah. Ours seems like more and more of a person lately, and we have three dogs, so watching him interact with them is so fun, too. I don't know how your baby likes your cat, but...

Anoosha: 00:57:09

Oh, my God, he cat scratched him this morning.

Emily: 00:57:12

Oh, no.

Anoosha: 00:57:13

Like, but he...I don't blame the cat.

Emily: 00:57:17

Oh, yeah. Babies can be...

Anoosha: 00:57:18

She was minding her own business, and I, I feel bad that my, my, my baby got hurt, but, yes, I, I have to keep them away. I, I don't know what else to do.

Emily: 00:57:28

As soon as he sees the dogs in the morning, he's like, oh, like, whapping and petting and just so exuberant. And sometimes they just need to, like, slink off and be alone. But it is fun seeing their personalities come out more and more.

Well, this has been great. Thank you so much for taking the time to join me and chat Anoosha.

Anoosha: 00:57:47

This was a lot of fun. Thank you for having me on.

Narrator: 00:57:51

This has been a presentation of the Lunchador Podcast Network.